COMMITMENT ACCELERATION, FRIENDSHIP, GRANDPA'S HEARTACHE

I was listening to John Tesh while running errands. His comments on Commitment Acceleration were very interesting. Apparently this learned behavior is sometimes not a good thing. We start by wanting to make everything a success. So, we will eventually wait at a restaurant 45 minutes because we have "already waited this long" or "took a while to find a parking spot". Then it extends to staying in a toxic relationship. The example was "living together for 5 years, then getting married because it's the right thing to do, even though we know it's not a full commitment and feels wrong." "Cut your losses before you invest too much time in something that just doesn't feel right."
Sage advice for a lot of women, no? And, sometimes men also.
How many times do we stay in a job or marriage before realizing that it's just NOT working? The emotional toll on our ever aging bodies is more than doubled. Those that want to MAKE something work suffer the most without appearing to do so, for whatever reasoning or ideology drives us. (Hmm. John Tesh also switched to the use of "us" during his commentary.) Be it controlling, emotional or religious reasons. Apparently you don't have to be an overachiever or Type A person to fall into this trap.
I have a litany of stories to share of my Commitment Acceleration behavior.
 As I got older my patience grew thin. Seldom would I wait at a restaurant more than 10 minutes. Although, I have waited almost an hour to eat a specialty dish. But, not if I was really hungry. The dish would be there if it was really that good.
My 1st professional job lasted 11 1/2 yrs. Started off with a great department Director and peers with the same goals and interests. We had so much fun. But we were also very supportive. Until, our boss moved back home and the outgoing assistant administrator was given a severance package kick out the door. She hired a director that none of the staff liked. This being determined during the interview process. (He was a bigger liar and manipulator than my last real Director at my last job. Who was also referred to as "Google") Thankfully, I transferred to the Cath Lab. But that was almost 2 years of putting up with his lying b-s and being the last one to bail. Commitment Acceleration? I would say so. I was revived by the change. But I blew out a disc pushing a c-arm to CCU for an emergency swan ganz and temporary pacemaker. After that I couldn't wear the x-ray aprons currently in use and  required. Being a protect-myself-from-medical-adversity type of person, I would don wrap around aprons and thyroid collar during procedures. Unfortunately, two of my co-workers got rare cancers and died. I hope it wasn't because of their lackadaisical use of protection from so many rads.
Then I got tired of medical and took a course in Instrumentation and Control. Also referred to as Robotics. My goal was to get rid of my current husband and go work at Disneyland. Outrageous! God had other plans for me. More on that at a later time;)

When researching said subject, I found this :
Gifted students are, by definition, more advanced than their age peers in some significant ways. Their rate of development has been faster than expected. They have reached a level of maturity that puts them out of sync with their age peers and with the curriculum of the regular classroom. Not only have these students acquired more information in a shorter time, but they think with the greater depth and insight of older students. The older they are, the greater the discrepancy between their level of maturity and that of their age mates.

The two most significant assets for gifted students are an appropriate educational fit and friends of similar maturity.

That last sentence says it all for best friends. And, the daughter I am blessed with.

It should be obvious, therefore, that gifted students need opportunities to work ahead of the curve. Everyone needs a setting that matches his or her level and pace of learning. The right amount of challenge requires gifted students to stretch themselves and grow intellectually; too little challenge produces boredom and turnoff, an inevitable erosion of ability and commitment.

On a positive note, God blessed me with 3 best friends. No matter whether we have been separated by distance or time, we can pick up just where we left off. We can bare our hearts and souls to each other. Know when to shut up and listen, or, say what needs to be said (sometimes brutally) without breaking that bond that has been forged. Laughter is essential. We can laugh at inside jokes that happened almost 30 years ago;) The difference is that we are always supportive and somehow sense when we need to connect. I stress 'need' because sometimes only another woman friend of almost same age, intelligence and strength can be what we need at that time, for that situation. Sometimes you can't say some of those things to family.
 I would not call this Commitment Acceleration because it was not learned behavior. But as we've grown older we have committed to the friendship without seeming to even try.
My hope is that anyone reading this has someone in their life that fulfills this role.

My uncle celebrated his 80th birthday yesterday. My cousin posted a picture of him surrounded by family. Happy birthday uncle!
I have been working on genealogy stuff to the point of reminding myself to blink. There is a story posted saying that the birthday uncle told this person that my grandparents had 18 children. I can only find 14. While researching I ran across the story of a fire that killed 4 of those children on October 8, 1927. The fire was intentionally set and as far as any of my family knew---NO ONE was found or convicted. I was told by our neighbor of the way my Grandpa took care of my Grandma after losing 4 children. Grandma was almost catatonic. Did he have time to grieve? My heart aches for my grandparents. I feel compelled to research if anyone was ever brought to justice. Or, is this a cold case? Another rabbit trail for me to follow.

May God richly bless and keep you.