I have been reviewing some of my prayer journals to either get rid of them or save them. Hard to go back and read about the beginning of the end. I understand now why the Lord kept saying "wait".
I had been praying fervently for my marriage, my husband, my family and the congregation since 2009.
And I now feel the okay to write about that dark time in my life. It actually got worse January 2011.
Since then I have been portrayed as a crazy, jealous, stingy, drug addicted non-Christian. We attended ONE marriage counseling with Pastor Joe. During the "counseling" session I was accused and very nearly accursed for my behavior. I had my say secondly. When Marshall kept interrupting I reminded him that I had listened to him and requested the same courtesy. M almost came out of his chair when I told him that he had made a fool of himself inviting me to lunch and then openly flirting with another woman in front of his church elders. He was winking and holding her hand while her husband stood there and I sat there eating my lunch. So I asked Joe, "Doesn't the bible say that if you thought it you did it?" Joe had the audacity to tell me that he didn't think the Bible meant that literary. Matthew 5:28? Not literal? WOW! Can't even remember how many times at Calvary Silver City and Deming that verse was used.
I was recently sent a link to a CCDeming sermon recorded 4/29/2013. Interesting. I believe Marshall had demonic, terrifying feelings because his d-i-l brought something evil into my house and he, being in a weakened state from illness, was an easy mark. I had asked him repeatedly to have Pastor X come and bless our home while his son, d-i-l and grandson lived there. But, he did not do that. X came and blessed the house after I asked him.
I should note here that in June 2013 when I had hip replacement surgery my daughter stayed in that same bedroom and had repeated nightmares until I anointed and prayed for God to drive out whatever evil still resided there. When my sister came to relieve my daughter she also had nightmares in the same room until we repeated the anointing and blessing that same room against the evil within. When I returned to work and was living alone in my house...I prayed every night in that same room but never felt threatened by evil. This may be because our divorce became final 4/2013. Was I no longer a target? Who knows? All will be known when I stand in the presence of my Lord and Savior and answer for my own sins and faults.
And----your behavior had nothing to do with it (divorce)? It was all me? You're the victim?
I'm tired of you riding on my pastor's coattails. "What does that mean?" I'm tired of you riding on my pastor's coattails!!!!! I'm pretty sure that the only coat tails I rode on were my mother's until she birthed me.
I don't want you to introduce me as your husband the pastor. "So, how do you want me to handle introducing you to a person talking to me? Ignore you? Let you introduce yourself? Isn't that rude?"
You made one of the women wait 30 minutes while you and your SISTER went shopping. This particular item brought up at least 2x before. Each time I asked who it was so I could apologize to her/them. Talk about your spouse having your back. Not,
You've NEVER done anything for the church. YOU'VE NEVER DONE A DAMN THING FOR THE CHURCH!!!!! "Yearly women's Bible studies, 2 conferences, teaching the kids ministry? Guess those didn't count. Plus, you told me to take the year off to get my pain in control by reducing some of the stress." Also Marshall was not pleased with the tithing statement. I had wrongly started tithing in cash after he did a sermon on it being better for the left hand not knowing what the right hand was doing in relation to giving. He refused to listen.
You only went to Sunday night service because Cary and Valerie were here!
He had the "actual"count of how many Sunday night services I had attended and not attended.
Even Cary thinks your crazy. He asked me if you were up to your "old tricks" This comment being strange in the fact that not only did I not know what he was talking about. Plus::: my response was, "I could care less about what your ex-junkie, ex-drunk friend says or thinks about me." And, is this fighting fair? Making some "vague" reference to the distant past? We hadn't seen his friend in 9 years.
In all fairness to Cary, I did receive an email within 2 days telling me that we couldn't get a divorce and for me to call him. Misrepresented by Marshall or not, Thanks Cary. I think you did quite enough.
You never cook. "When was the last time you cooked?" Tuesday before last I made tacos. "And, I thanked you for that." Can't remember the last time he thanked me for cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, shopping, cleaners, raking up the dog poop, etc, etc, etc. ad nauseam.
It's your fault that my family left. You wanted their balls on a platter and you got it. This after a family meeting where I listened to their complaints/comments about my behavior. huh? Then gave them my accounting of how I saw what was happening in my house.The problems with his daughter-in-law started not too long after I paid for them to move to Deming so "we" could help them get on their feet. Air fare for her & their son to Deming and air far for the "pastor" to fly to CA. Hotels, gas & meals for the "pastor" and son to drive one of their vehicles from northern CA to Deming. The fact that his son said he planned on divorcing her after they got to Deming. During that meeting we found out that she never wanted to come to Deming. HUH???
I would get home from work, go into the den to say Hi, and promptly be bombarded about whatever the "pastor" had to endure during the day by way of passive aggressive behavior from his d-i-l.
For example:
She's been slamming doors all day. And you know how I hate that. "Did you say anything?" Well you know if I say anything it won't be pretty. So I would listen for a couple of door slams, then go tell her to not slam doors because he didn't like that & it ruined the doors.
She sits in here with the baby (the den) and sighs and says things like "Well I guess mommy has to get a job because daddy doesn't get one. "Did you say anything to her?" No. I had to tell her not to use her baby to say something she wanted to say.
Was told by the "pastor" that his son wondered how I could call myself a Christian when I laid down the law of unacceptable behavior to his daughter-in-law.
I'm gonna tell them they have to go. It's too stressful to me to have them here. I don't think he ever told them anything. Or if he did, he made it sound like it was my wish they leave. Probably so because I got home form work one afternoon and the d-i-l had cooked an outstanding supper. During the conversation she stated that she wished they didn't have to move. I did not reply because I didn't tell them they had to move. And, if I had told them to move out of my house the discussion would have taken on a specific direction. Plus, I don't own Deming.
Curious how just before his son and family moved out he came and said that his son told him we could get a reverse mortgage. What for? How much more money do you need? Not happening. Besides the house was supposed to be use to enhance my retirement income. Now I am still the primary on a mortgaged house waiting for him to refinance.
You're nothing but a drug addict! "Really? A drug addict that works more than full time, is on 4 blood pressure meds because I won't take enough for true pain control? And brings home the bacon." Guess he didn't remember the 2 months his daughter-in-law stole first 10 days , then 7 days of my meds. And she was already on pain meds from a local doctor. Hmm.I had 6 injections into my lower spine, and, I got along on taking Extra strength Tylenol, Ibuprofen, aspirin, and hot and/or cold pads. We started locking the bedroom door. In our own house.
You're jealous!! I had told him that he lost one of his Board members when at lunch he openly flirted with a girl that used to attend church with her ex-spouse. He had called me to join them for lunch. The uncomfortable, furtive looks at me during this event were almost laughable. I told him it was not jealousy, but a show of total lack of respect for me and those who helped him make church decisions. One thing I have never been is jealous. Maybe I should have pretended to be, but that is not me.
Cary and Valerie don't even like you!!! They won't be back to visit!! Nobody likes you!! Not even your family likes you. That's why they don't visit you. "Isn't that interesting? Because they were here the whole time you were in Israel over Thanksgiving. I think they don't like you. And, MY family is off limits to anyone for anything." Nobody likes you
You're just like your mother!!! " Too bad he wasn't more like his mother. I am done with you. That's it, I am DONE!" Oh yea! Sure! When you say you're done, you're done! Go ahead! Get a damn divorce! "Done.
Prior to this I told him that I wanted to reduce my work hours until I could retire early. "guess I'll have to look for a job. I don't know if anyone will hire me with such a bad back." Then go play 18 holes of golf, or traipse all over the landscape hunting. Poor back.
I got a divorce pack from the Luna County courthouse so that we could file a consensual, quick case. While going over the paperwork with him I mentioned I was going to let Pastor X know he could buy my pellet stove or bring it to me. Whoa! No!!! You gave it to them!! No I didn't. Long story short: he was referring to his truck. He wanted to sell the truck to X and I told him to give them the truck. Mistakenly or not, Pastor X did a lot for the church and needed a dependable vehicle to get around. You gave it to them! Fine. Let them keep the stove.
And----your behavior had nothing to do with it (divorce)? It was all me? You're the victim?
Even after the above final argument I asked God to give me a sign because He knows that sometimes I need only one door open and the other doors firmly shut. My sign was a Mexican dove. The dove set on my mailbox for six days as I walked to the box, took my mail out, walked into the house and looked out the window. he dove did not fly away until I looked through the window. My question was, "Is that You Lord?" Good enough sign for me.
No God loving, Christian woman wants her marriage to end. Untendend fires soon die and become a pile of ashes.
So now because of a death bed promise made to his mother I am still financially tied to the "pastor" via a mortgage. Foolish me. Hope I can resolve that issue within a few months.
Thank God that I save and print all correspondence between us.
Is there a way out of the chains we create for ourselves? We all make choices. Good or bad. We make choices that have far reaching impact on our life. I have even been told to protect myself from my ex. Wonder why.
Who among you fears the Lord
and obeys the voice of his servant,
who walks in darkness
and has no light,
yet trusts in the name of the Lord
and relies upon his God?
But all of you are kindlers of fire,
lighters of firebrands.
Walk in the flame of your fire,
and among the brands that you have kindled!
This is what you shall have from my hand:
you shall lie down in torment. Isaiah 50:10-11
Hope God blesses all. In Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment